that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
