I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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