...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize