the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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