my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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