i need an iv and a liver transplant
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
