I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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