Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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