I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
