You can't special order awesome
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
