Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Randomize