Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
