the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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