You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
