so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
