I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
