Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
