he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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