It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
