i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
