i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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