I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
