I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
