He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
