I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
