remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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