id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
