Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i love accidental penises.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
