i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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