I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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