He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
