Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
