My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
