I can't breathe out the right side of my face
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
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