sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My life is pants optional.
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