I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
