Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i love accidental penises.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
