i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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