how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
