the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
should my penis look like a turkey
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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