1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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