yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This house was built for laser tag.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
