hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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