I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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