she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
