What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
