The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
