Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
