He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
