Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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