Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
