Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The air was thick with penises
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
