i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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