so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
