You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
