She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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