It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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