Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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