Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
