Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
