I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
