I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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