My nipple is on Facebook.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
