my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
