you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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