I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
