What a fucking waste of an outfit
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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