I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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