You really coming over, don't trick.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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