i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize