I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize