I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
