Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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